At this point, the irritation of post-submission rumination has subsided and given way to opportunity for personal development outside of the confines of academic submission.
(That this happens with exceeding regularity manifests a longing to submit amendments or additions to my work. If only the traditional format were open to change.)
So much of my findings are unsuitable for sharing with the wider academic group, due to the intensely personal nature of my findings.
In reflection, there is much I feel I have missed that I could have shared:
- In critique, pausing my interventions to create time and space for students to think, reflect and share.
- Provide opportunity for students to rebut/retort/question feedback after some reflection. Too often the finality of comment/critique is a kind of violence. A dig, a jab…so on. But if the premise was different, we are not passing judgement but trying to understand, we are creating opportunity for peer exchanges we want to encourage outside of the classroom!
- Autoethnographic analysis of my own critical practice. While I did make an earlier off the cuff critique (1), further analysis would be helpful. My anxiety and love of football leads be to seek a form of training that emerges from the recommendation to record critique. The post-match/crit review. Professional athletes watch their games back, why don’t professional critics?
- I deliberately showed only so much, the presentation was about sharing findings with my audience, I did therefore, create a narrative from truth, weaved with reflective conversation over documentation. Ideas arise at the intersections of theories, there is much more to learn, much more to share.
- Was this the right choice? Have I harmed myself in sharing this information? Is this the vulnerability talking? Speaking from such a place opens up the voice of trauma, when you ask questions of me, you are asking ‘little zish’ . This is the importance of trauma informed pedagogy, that ultimately, it hides everywhere and we are not trained on it, so we have to do the work ourselves.
- At the same time, we have to accept our own limitations as educators, whether perspective and bias, or our ability to contribute from a shared lived experience. What to do in these situations? I won’t be afraid to acknowledge my limitations, and direct students to those who can provide what I cannot. (therapy or intersectional perspective; ability, sexuality, gender, race, age…etc)
- What is a grade in the context of pedagogic trauma?
I am not sure if this will be considered as part of my submission.
I will have my afterword, in this project or the next!